“Forget regret, or life is yours to miss” Rent, The Musical
When we start on this journey, we all have dreams and aspirations. Some are large–monumental, even. Others may be smaller and softer. All dreams are equally important regardless of size when compared to the goals of others. Some of us dream about owning a home. Some dream of earning an advanced degree to help others. For others it may be about creating a safe and comfortable home for their family. It doesn’t matter what the dream may be. To the dreamer it is often most important thing in their world.
Somewhere along this journey, something happens to that dream. The dream itself is still real, still a goal we would love to achieve. As we advance through life, that dream seems to stay just ahead of us, just out of reach. Slowly, we begin to believe that dream may just not be possible. We’ve tried to make it real one too many times, or experienced one too many failures. At some point we admit to ourselves the dream keeping us motivated is just not meant to happen.
As a coach, I connect with a lot people who have reached this tipping point. It’s not so much that they are depressed or desperate, they are just tired of trying. They believe they cannot make that positive change happen because it just isn’t meant to be. That house will never be theirs, they will never find a career that ignites their passion, or that weight will never come off. There comes a point where many of us create a reality that may not, in fact, be real. It is merely a perception based on our experience. Often that perception is designed to keep us safe and in our comfort zone. Thus, we come to delude ourselves that our dream will always be just that–a dream.
The favorite part of my job is that moment when my clients begin to see their dream may actually be possible. It is almost as if a part of them has been sleeping, and slowly awakens to find a new world is available. So what is the cause for this transformation? It’s not as complicated as one might think. It comes down to the fact that my clients stop believing all of the negative ideas they have created that hold them back. By receiving positive support, they realize the future they thought was unattainable is actually within their grasp. It is an incredibly satisfying moment, for both my clients and me.
If you have been trying to make something happen in your life and feel like you just can’t make any progress, there are several things that may loosen that log jam.
Accept that your past does not limit or define you. Experiences are just that–experiences. If you have tried to make a change before and failed, it doesn’t mean you can’t. It means there is another way to create the change. A failed attempt only creates a limitation or a boundary if you allow it to. Experience defines your past, not your future.
Recognize and limit negative self-talk. I say limit because it would be virtually impossible to eliminate those negative thoughts completely. After all, that is how our mind tries to keep us safe. Once you realize your brain is simply trying to keep you from growing, you can reframe those thoughts from negative to positive. Instead of thinking, “ I will never get that promotion. I don’t have the experience and they want someone smarter” shift to “what can I do to show I am qualified for that position?” The first thought shuts a door. The second thought opens that door to new possibilities.
Find positive social support. Making changes in life indicates growth. Unfortunately, it often frightens those around us who are content with the status quo. They are just as detrimental to the journey as negative self-talk. Recognize the naysayers and eliminate or minimize them. Surround yourself with people who support the changes you want to make.
Change is never easy, but it is not impossible. The only thing that really holds you back from a goal is you. Your perception of what is possible and what is attainable. When you shift your mindset to make something happen, you may be amazed at what you will achieve.
Working with a coach can help you reach your goals faster and easier than going it alone. If you are stuck and ready to give up on your dream, contact me for a free consultation. In just thirty minutes you will have a new perspective to make that dream happen.